pruesaysit

Laying on the bed and listening to Goldfrapp. Just lathered myself up in Vitamin E head to toe. I’m all soft!!

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

Depression is the most hideous shit ever.
I just want to hide away and never come out. Why do I feel like this?!?! Ugh. Brain chemistry can cop a fist up the arse without lube.

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

If you don’t want to read some bitching and moaning, this is your cue to go and look at Cute Overload or something.
I’m so fucking sick of being sick. I try not to complain too much about it coz I know a lot of pricks have it a lot harder than I do, but for the love of fuck, I’ve lost a third of my body weight. I’m in constant pain. It’s been hard. I’m tired all the bloody time. I’m sick of spending all my time in the toilet hurling. I’m sick of having to take spew bags every fucking where I go! It’s been like this for months and I’m just so over it. I’m tired of being told how I look ‘good’ when I feel like absolute shit inside. I’ve got bad skin, I look like I’ve been punched in the eyes but I look ‘better’ coz I’ve lost some weight. How does that work? And then I feel guilty for resenting peoples well intended compliments. I know they mean well, but something stings when they say it.
I’m even afraid to really say all this because a large majority of people associate weight loss with something positive. For me, it’s been incredibly negative. I didn’t set out to lose weight, it just came as a consequence of being so sick. So dealing with all the bullshit that comes with it is kind of unexpected. I’m also struggling with having a different body. I feel like it’s not even mine. I look in the mirror and it’s so different to what I’ve seen staring back at me for so long that it’s completely foreign. My boobs now resemble Tori Spellings monstrosity of a chest. They’re all lop sided and fucked. I’ve gone from being really confidant about my body to really self conscious.
Nothing I own fits me which makes me feel miserable coz I’m constantly pulling and tugging at clothes that are falling off me. Do you know how many times my pants have fallen down in public recently?? Should be hilarious, I know but yah…not so much. I just really fucking hate it. As a result of feeling so badly physically, I really feel like I’m hitting the limit as to what I can take emotionally. I miss the fuck out of Columbo. I have to move all my shit out of the house within 2 weeks, the thought of which is really overwhelming coz I just don’t have the energy. We’ve had non stop drama with the Landlord, all of which seems to fall on me to deal with it. I’ll be so relieved when we move out not to have to deal with it all. I feel like I’m about 30 seconds from crying all the bloody time. In fact, to be honest, writing all this shit down has made me feel really close to tears. It just feels like there’s too much going on. I just needed to get some of this stuff out coz I can’t keep it all bottled up inside anymore. And now, I’m going to go to bed to have a big fuckin cry and hopefully I’ll wake up feeling better in the morning, emotionally at least.

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

Kicking and screaming, please.

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.