pruesaysit

October 6th, 1:16

I wondered what the hell I’d gotten myself in for when I first picked up Columbo. She was a reject from a Breeder and she cried all the way home in the car. I thought it was just because she was in heat, but I soon found out she just happened to talk…all the time. So really, we couldn’t have been a better pair in that way. We bonded straight away. From that night on, it was Collie and I. Actually, for a few brief moments, it was Shelby and I, but I had a change of heart 24 hours in to owning her, coz she didn’t seem like a Shelby, and so Columbo it was, as an homage to Peter Falk’s fuck eyed Detective.

She wasn’t the kind of cat that everyone liked. She had a bitch streak a mile long. It was something I loved about her. She was ballsy. She liked handbags, shoes and butter on bread. She loved to play rough, but she lived to spoon at the end of the night. I miss our sleeping arrangement. We had it down pat. I miss so many things about her. So much so, that I hadn’t been able to write this entry sooner. I figured, maybe she’d come home ? But it’s not going to happen. It’s been 2 months since she’s been missing. My heart is broken. I am just so fucking sad. Yeah yeah, I know…I’m just confirming my position as a crazy cat lady here. But right now, I’m a really fuckin sad cat lady who has just lost the leader of her dark army of cats. Who will do my bidding now??? Bea doesn’t have the mean streak to lead a dark army.
Owning Collie was one of the most awesome things I ever got to do. A cat has never rocked so hard. I hope wherever she is, she’s still kickin it hardcore and giving other cats a hard time. Love you Pussy Gatto.

Pussy Gatto

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

I wondered what the hell I’d gotten myself in for when I first picked up Columbo. She was a reject from a Breeder and she cried all the way home in the car. I thought it was just because she was in heat, but I soon found out she just happened to talk…all the time. So really, we couldn’t have been a better pair in that way. We bonded straight away. From that night on, it was Collie and I. Actually, for a few brief moments, it was Shelby and I, but I had a change of heart 24 hours in to owning her, coz she didn’t seem like a Shelby, and so Columbo it was, as an homage to Peter Falk’s fuck eyed Detective.

She wasn’t the kind of cat that everyone liked. She had a bitch streak a mile long. It was something I loved about her. She was ballsy. She liked handbags, shoes and butter on bread. She loved to play rough, but she lived to spoon at the end of the night. I miss our sleeping arrangement. We had it down pat. I miss so many things about her. So much so, that I hadn’t been able to write this entry sooner. I figured, maybe she’d come home ? But it’s not going to happen. It’s been 2 months since she’s been missing. My heart is broken. I am just so fucking sad. Yeah yeah, I know…I’m just confirming my position as a crazy cat lady here. But right now, I’m a really fuckin sad cat lady who has just lost the leader of her dark army of cats. Who will do my bidding now??? Bea doesn’t have the mean streak to lead a dark army.

Owning Collie was one of the most awesome things I ever got to do. A cat has never rocked so hard. I hope wherever she is, she’s still kickin it hardcore and giving other cats a hard time. Love you Pussy Gatto.

Pussy Gatto

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

A neighbour has offered up a sighting of cat spew out the front of her house, where Columbo is known to frequent. Cat spew is Columbos calling card. This is a good sign. She said her son thought he saw her disappear over my neighbours fence yesterday, so I’m optimistic that this means she’s in the area, which means she’s alive and okay. Even the thought of her being with another family is more comforting than the thought of her laying hurt somewhere or…you know…worse. I just want her to be okay. Of course, I want her to be at home like she should be, but anything is better than her being not okay. I know if you’re not a ‘pet person’ it’ll sound ridiculous, but tonight I was talking to a friend online about Collie and I just started bawling. She’s been my little muppet for the last nearly 6 years, I miss her so much. But since she’s been missing, I’ve just felt numb. Like nothing. Tonight was the first time I got really upset about it, which makes me feel fucking horrible, but it’s like her being gone is just so overwhelming that I couldn’t really feel anything. Fuck that sounds ridiculous, but I’m a crazy cat lady, so just deal with it.
Tomorrow I’m going to get a big poster size cardboard and make a massive LOST sign for the notice board down at the shops. Perhaps if I make it look pathetically child like, people will be more inclined to look for my cat? I’ll throw in the odd backwards S just to be sure.

We have until the 23/10 to move house. It’s taken a week, but I have finally wrapped my head around it. I don’t have a set plan of what I’m doing right now, but I’ve stopped freaking out about it. It wasn’t just the request to move house, but the emails that ensued from my Landlord that really made me anxious I think. Ugh. For all the perks of a private rental, I don’t think I’d go down this road again. While it’s not ideal, my parents have extended the offer of their place for a bit while I figure out what I’m doing, which has given me some relief. I’m lucky to have such a good support system, a lot of people aren’t as fortunate, and I need to keep that in mind. I’m just cautious about the offer, because for the first time in….well, forever…my dad and I are getting along well, and I don’t want to ruin it by us being in too close a confines. We don’t live together very well. But we’ll see what happens. At the moment, it’s a back up plan and I’m lucky to have it.

I called the BloodBank today about my donation, and they put me through to the doc who advised me not to come in and give blood tomorrow. She said I’d have to wait til 8 weeks after my gallbladder surgery, if they do it Keyhole. Otherwise, 6 months if they have to take it out via an incision. I didn’t realise you couldn’t give blood for so long after a surgery! But they were really sweet about it and I’m going to keep in touch and go in as soon as I can.

I was thinking about Teeda today.  I was wearing the shirt she gave me for my B’day about 5 years back. We had matching ones. They have my website addy on the back, it was one of the best gifts anyone’s ever given me.

I’m officially the lowest weight I’ve been as an adult. I’m finding it a strange adjustment. I don’t even know how to explain it. Most people have that “weight loss automatically equals awesome” sensibility, especially if you fall into a weight range that people determine unacceptable, as I always have. I don’t know how to respond to “You’ve lost weight, that’s great”. Coz really, it hasn’t been great. I’ve starved and hurled my way to this weight, and it wasn’t out of choice, but purely medical coincidence. I feel less healthy now than I did 40kg ago, when I was going to the gym. I’m constantly tired coz I don’t eat most days, and on the days I do, I spew myself into back into the negative calories anyway. But then how do I deny that the fact that being able to lay in my bathtub, completely and comfortably, for the first time in years doesn’t feel good? That’s the only reason why I know how much I weigh… I climbed into the bath the other day, on a whim, and realised that I didn’t feel like a sardine trapped in a can. It was such a strange moment, that I thought perhaps the bath had just got bigger. So I dusted off the scales, that I’ve used all of like, 3 times, and I’m more then 10 kg lighter than I was at 19. I only know what I weighed then because I had to go for a Medical for my Learners permit, and it involved a weigh in and when the doctor noted my weight (116kg), he looked me up and down and exclaimed sternly “YOU’RE MORBIDLY OBESE!”. He even NOTED it on my Learners Permit Medical. Perhaps he suspected it could pose a problem to my driving, say a roll of my death fat may get stuck in the steering wheel, and I go on to cause a terrible accident, and then wouldn’t he feel like a dick for not letting VicRoads know. I remember I cried so hard when I got home. I was so ashamed. So embarrassed. He made me feel like I was less than human because I was fat. It took me years to realise that fat is a descriptive word. It’s not a pejorative. It is what it is. I use it to describe myself physically. I don’t dig on euphemisms for fat, coz I think it just reinforces the idea that ‘fat’ is inherently bad word. I don’t think I’ll ever have a body type that’s not fat, even if I were to hurl my way down the scales another 20kg I’d still be considered fat. It’s a strange headspace to be in. If anything, this weight loss has made me think more about Fat Acceptance than I ever have before. I want to write more about this, but I’m not doing a very good job at making the point I was trying to make at the moment. I guess I’m just getting some thoughts down, out of my head. I’ll elaborate on this when I’m feeling more eloquent coz I have a point, I’m just rambling.

Anyway, until then, Talk Hard, as my friend HHH says.

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

I’m worn out. The cat has not come home. I have to cancel my appointment at Mordialloc to give blood on Tuesday coz they’re not going to take it from me, coz I forgot the stomach issues in my last blood test results make me illegible at the moment. Boo. I was looking forward to some sort of cup of tea after I’d been drained of my life syrup. I’m super tired. I really thought I had something to write, and now that I’m here, I don’t think I do. Well, I have lots but I just don’t have the motivation to write the huge entry it’ll take. Instead, I’m going to listen to Tim read the last 40 pages of his novel aloud while I lay on the couch, shrink style. I think it’ll get me into sleep mode.

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

Collie and Bea

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

Collies new collar is leopard print. It’s hot as.
Bea’s is pink fuzzy shit. It suits her.

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

I found Columbo, btw. She’s been making herself at home in the backyards of my neighbours. She is none too happy to be home, as opposed to out roaming the streets, tarting it up. She is now securely trapped in my bedroom, this now being day 2 of lock down. She lost her collar while she was on her magical mystery tour, so I have to go first thing in the morning and get a new one and call the council to organise new tags. She’ll be under house arrest for a few more days, because some guys fixing the garage and I don’t want her getting scared again and running off.

Meezer luv.

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.