pruesaysit

Such a good weekend Yay!!!

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

It is common knowledge that the best way to spend a Thursday night is down at the dogs. The little jackets, the pre-recorded bugle sounding out before a race, the smell of stale VB that lingers in the TAB…it’s these little things that make a night at the Greyhounds perfect for a classless lass like myself.
Fortunately, I have friends that are happy to drop themselves down to my level on occasion, so Loz, Jo, Gords, Teeds and I headed to Sandown.

Teeds and Gords placing their bets.

The dogs doing their thing.

Deliberating which dog to back snack from the hot food stall looks least likely to give me food poisoning.

I was too pov to back any dogs, although I did suggest a dog I wanted to win in one race. No more than 2 seconds after I’d uttered my dogs number, said dog went on to start humping every dog in sight. Typical that I should back the humper.

Another jaunty adventure undertaken recently was heading to Karaoke again at the Tudor Inn. No Franco Cotzo in sight. Perhaps he has found a local closer to Brunswick or Footescray?
It was, indeed, a very odd night. I had some bogan woman slap me, not once but twice, in what was an apparent show of appreciation for my Karaoke efforts. Now, I’ve imagined being slapped down at Karaoke, as I’m not very good, but this woman went on about how I should cut a cd, and how I was fabulous and amazing and I “shit all over that fat fucker” Guy Sebastian? Her attention was so odd. She actually followed me around all night, trying to talk to me, telling me how awesome I was. I had a brief peek into what it might be like to be a celebrity…(Yes, I realise this is quite a stretch given that I was just some Karaoke bitch, but I digress) and it was creepy as all hell. She kept touching me and slapping me with enthusiasm and hunting me down, no matter how hard I tried to hide behind friends.
I found a brave protector in Col, a bloke who looked remarkably like Gene Simmons. Yes, he was Gene Simmons age as well. And he was lovely and had be been 20 years younger, he’d have been in like flynn, but rather than let him down, (he was pretty keen, who can blame him?) I let him believe I was gay. I feel kinda bad about it, but I mean, hell, I was only half lying. I didn’t have the heart to tell him he was too old. He was sweet about it and still tried to convince me he could convert me if I had dinner with him. Ten points for effort. It was very flattering, none the less.

Sunday I did something that I have been putting off for about 6 years. I cleaned out all the shit I’ve been carrying around since I moved out of home. A whole trailer load of stuff went. It had been taking up the entirety of my garage since I moved here to Aspendale.
While we were loading the trailer, I had some time to think about why I’d been carrying it all around with me. In a lot of ways, I think all the ’stuff’ I’ve held on to is like a security blanket. I’ve been scared of ending up on my own and knowing that I had all this ’stuff’, it made me feel less scared, more prepared. But I realised that I didn’t need to hold on to everything I’ve ever touched to feel safe. It was quite an emotional experience getting rid of it all of it, but in a nice purge-y kind of way. Tossing all the shit away has been like a physical manifestation of the emotional transitions I’ve been through these last few months, except I didn’t have to go to Clayton nor pay $47 bucks to get rid of my emotional baggage.

Christ. Is that how much shit I’ve been keeping all these years?
Seriously, even my dad looks shocked! Here’s my attempt at a shocked face

I just noticed I look like a I have a spectacular Widows Peak in this picture. Awesome.

Anyways, this is what I’ve been up to. What have you been doing?
Any suggestions for avoiding becoming a pack rat again? How does one deal with Karaoke fame?

Btw, I’m thinking of taking Plush Jesus on an excursion. Anywhere you’d like to see Jesus chillaxin?

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

Tonight I got to lather myself in good smelling potions and lotions. I went to some skin care thing with Andrea, who is now queen of Nutrimetics My feet are all peppermint-y fresh. My wrists smell like vanilla and honey and frangipani. (Some of my favorite smells)  My décolletage is shimmery and smells like apricot. My arms smell like tangerine extract. The building they hold it is in Bayswater. It’s this big grey 80’s building that resembles a Scientology hall when you walk inside. Lots of pictures of high achievers and go-getters on the walls. All soft focus portraits of individuals with their heads tilted to 45degrees. I’m sure you can imagine.

There was a lot of clapping and handing out of certificates and badges. Lucky they had some hand lotion after all the rounds of applause given. I thought I was going to get a callous. The meeting finished off with tea in a Styrofoam cup and a piece of cake, no doubt mixed by some ones feet. I haven’t been ill yet, but I’ll wait another 24 hours before I declare the cake delicious.

I stopped off at 7-11 on the way home to get some smokes. I noticed they sold Toobs…Tasty Toobs. I bought two packets of them. I’d have bought more but I thought it best to try them again to reassure my love for them before I stocked up like a bear awaiting hibernation. Two 600ml Cokes for $4.50. It seemed like a good deal. Last week I paid $3.50 for a 600ml coke. Isn’t that insane? I shouldn’t have bought it, but really they could charge an arm and a leg for it and I’d still oblige them. I’m an addict. There’s no escape for the caffeine dependent.

My Tafe class went well Wednesday night. I put on a confidant facade, but truth be told, I was pretty nervous. I dreaded the thought of it being just like High School, where I failed to make any friends until I hit Year 10 or thereabouts. I’m not particularly confidant when it comes to meeting new people when I’m on my own and within a non-spontaneous situation. For instance, the other day I was shopping at the new deli at Parkdale when I paused to let an old man in an electric scooter through the aisle before me. He thanked me and we sparked up a conversation which ended in him inviting me for a cup of tea at his house, a few hundred meters down the road. It was pleasant and I was totally at ease. But had I known that when I went to Parkdale Deli, I’d have to speak to an old guy who’d want me to come round to his place for a cuppa, I would have been ridiculously nervous. I think it’s all the anticipation of the situation. Knowing I’m going to have to be in that situation beforehand gives me far too much time to dwell on it and create scenarios in my mind of what could go wrong. FYI, I didn’t go and have tea with the old bloke. I had chicken I had to put in the fridge at home, plus he wouldn’t give me a dink. Bastard.

Anyways, back to the whole Tafe situation. I got there a few minutes late. I thought I knew where I was going, but it turns out I didn’t and I gave Nate the wrong directions. Of course when I realized we were going the wrong way, I got flustered and gave poor Nate a hard time. There was some pushing and shoving of the Melways and raised voices. A few map checks later, we finally made it. Nate pulled up out the front and I raced out and into the building. I didn’t even have time to be nervous because I was too busy being scared of being late. Turns out they were just getting started. I took a spot at one of the spare PCs and gazed around to check out the rest of the class. Lots of women. A few guys. Maybe 20 in the class? A distinct lack of obvious geeks which shocked me. At 25 years old, I was certainly in the older age bracket of the class, but was by far not the eldest. I sat next to the eldest member of the class, a lovely American woman. I was really impressed to see a woman in her 60’s tackling web design. It made me think of that phrase about never being too old to learn something new.
Along with the old bird, there was this woman who asked a lot of questions. You know how there’s always one person in a class who asks ridiculous questions that forces others to roll their eyes and sigh with disbelief? Ours was some woman in her early 30’s who reminded me of Mercedes Corby. I knew after her first question that she was going to give me the irrits with her incessant queries.
We learnt some basic html codes. I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that I’m probably not going to struggle with this course much. My geek tendencies will no doubt give me a serious leg up when it comes to being successful in this course. This excites me greatly! I’m going to go to the library tomorrow and get out some books on Illustrator and Dreamweaver. I’m not sure either is a requirement for the course, but both are something I’d like to be able to master.

Here’s me after my first class…Nothing says success like a photo that reveals a tampon disposal unit in the background!

Tonight at the Nutrimetics thingo, someone asked me what I did. For the first time in ages, I wasn’t embarrassed by my response, nor did I have to lie or go into details about my mental health. “I study web design” was my response. It felt good. Great even.
I’m about to go and do some homework. I want to get some boring modules out of the way so I can get onto the good stuff.

PS. I smell awesome.

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

I’m half way through the process of cleaning my bedroom.
How the fuck do people have bedrooms that never look lived in? Why can’t mine look like that? Is it just me, or do other people leave undies on the floor, and then kick them under the bed should anyone turn up unannounced?

I had the Implanon put in yesterday, but be fucked if I can feel it to be honest. It should feel like a matchstick under my skin, but I can’t really find it. I’m not sure if that’s coz I’ve got fat arms, or whether it’s just deep under the skin?
Teeda tried to find it last night, but she said it was a lost cause. She also said that my arm felt lumpy, like a breast.

I had one of those dreams last night where I woke up humping the mattress. I don’t quite remember what it was about, but it must have been pretty good.
What’s the bet I was dreaming about a man who could fix a computer and fix a car? Oh, I’m sure they exist out there somewhere, but I’m yet to find one.
Is it too much to ask to find a manly nerd? I think those terms are mutually exclusive. You know, a bloke who can fix my adsl when it’s buggered, laughs at “The Office”, that will take the piss outta me and then kiss me coz he adores what a dork I am, gets hard when he hears an old school V8 engine, will love my cat as much as I do, and who will laugh hysterically with me when they see a dog with a buckety cone thing on his head. Does this ellusive man exist? Until I find him, I’m just going to have to keep having these matress humping dreams about him.
Let’s play WHAT’S ON PRUES DESK!!!!
Fire Engine red Fudge Hair colour…. The idea was to colour most of my hair black and throw a few sexy hot red streaks through it…although it hasn’t quite come to fruition yet. I do believe it will happen…some day.

Cherry Iron on patch… I got this to iron onto this shirt I own, I just haven’t been inclined to do it yet… story of my life!

Handcuffs… Yeah…well…I’m sure you get the idea hahaha

1 fake nipple… Late last year, when I wrote that “erotic fiction” *read that back now, and read it with one of those really dodgy, low brow porn voices* I won a $100 voucher at this online Club X type place. I figured I’d buy stuff I wouldn’t normally buy, so with $20 credit left, I saw these.
The one time I actually wore them, I was so self concious! People kept staring at my nipples, my friends guessed they weren’t actually mine, and I was worried I was going to put someones eye out. Moral of the story…Just stick with the tweaking method, if you want to draw attention to your breasts!

4 Lighters… Coz you never know when 3 might run out…

Red Lipstick… What can I say? I’m one of those chicks who love red lipstick! It always makes you feel so sexy and sassy, like a 40’s Hollywood glamazon.

1 Hair Roller… It’s kinda velcro-ey, and it got stuck on the inside of one of my jumpers at some point, and I threw it and it landed on my desk. It’s been here since.

2 Webcams…”You’re so vain…You probably think this song is about you” Yeah sounds like that I know, but I protest that one doesn’t actually work properly, and it just sits here coz I haven’t put it anywhere else. The other one, well that works, and yes, I think any one who owns a webcam is a slave to vanity, and you know what? I love it!

Guns N Roses Greatest Hits…. Ooooh yeah. Brings back memories of flanellete shirts and jeans you busted your arse to rip the knees out of. I had a long time crush on Axl Rose til I saw the terrible cosmetic surgery he had done, and then the desire to be Axl’s main squeeze faded.

Anyhoo, gotta run. Neighbours is on.

Love yas

Prue

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.

Ahoy punters,
Should have updated earlier, but hey…It’s not like I have a legion of adoring fans awaiting my every entry, Oscar Humphries style.
I’ve been busy stuffing around, doing stuff that I’ve been meaning to do, like set up my pc *yay!!!*, spend some time with Jimbo, do a whole heap of washing that’s been sitting here accumulating since 1902. I also got a chance to catch up with everyone at the pub on Thursday nite. We walked in, thinking that we’d find the customary Karaoke, but bang! Like a smack in the face with a slippery trout, I found they’d ripped out the fire places and replaced it with a fire-hazardous, flickering, John Travolta-esque dance floor.
No more karaoke, but there was taciturnly, free drinks for my alcohol loving friends. And I’m not just talking beer and wine, like a High School Debutante ball, but psuedo-classy Long Island Ice Tea’s and cocktails-a-plenty. This went on for about 2 hours, or until the crowd was well and truely inked up, and then they let loose a band that is some cast off from the Mountain Spew. Admittedly, they were actually pretty good, and their play list was pleasing, but I can’t help but think that this band was headed by the former lead singer of Taxiride? Could that be right, or am I just starting a nasty rumour?

Friday nite, I zonked in front of the telly and fell asleep somewhere amongst the excitement of BB Uncut Awards.

Saturday nite was spent with Jimbo, skulking around til we found a fifties style Americana diner. We settled on “Soda Rock” in Prahran, which sucked harder than Peter North in his years as a gay porn star. You should have seen the waitress’…They were less enthused than a 10 year old being forced to kiss his mother on the cheek as he leaves for camp. And then, like Hells reckoning, they slunk in front of our table, and performed a dance that was obviously choreographed for their special performance at the RVIB. Aretha would turn in her grave….if she were dead, like most other musical icons of the day.
I say, if you work in a joint like that, you’d better look excited. There’s only one thing worse than having underpaid 17 year olds dance in front of you, and that’s having unenthralled underpaid 17year olds dancing in front of you. I wanted to pin her down to the blue vinyl booth, and force her to listen to Elvis until she couldn’t take it any longer, and then re-train her myself.

I only recovered from my retro anger, after hoeing into a fantastic “Chocolate Mousse Royale” from Baskin Robbins. Atleast some kids working at American inspired joints know how to get it right.

Did you ever realise that outside of 9-5 Monday to Friday, the entire world is run by 14-20 year olds? Well, atleast the entire retail world. Isn’t that a scary prospect. I think it’s a conspiracy…much like that of the Freemasons, to take over the world.

I loved Jessica tonite, and now I’m shirty that I don’t own the book. That’s why I hate mini-series, and go out of my way to avoid them. I hate anything that’s “to be continued”. I’m the least patient person when it comes to things like this. I want to know if she gets the baby back NOW! “I’m going to hold my breath until I get it!!!!! Now, daddy now!!!” *turns blue*

Anyway, that’s about all darlins. Take it easy

Originally published at pruesaysit.com. Please leave any comments there.